Domestic disputes within a family are not uncommon. Further one needs legal advice for matters such as adoption. Family lawyers like Tammy Begun are the ones who have the expertise on legal matters related to a family. Family law attorney will be a litigator as well as a negotiator for the legal issues arising within a family.
What is family law?
Family law is a domain of law practice that contains legal issues related to a family and domestic relation. These issues may be related to divorce, child custody, paternity, adoption, surrogacy, child abuse, child abduction, alimony, marriage, and civil unions.
Family law is also an area of the law that comprises all of the legal issues that families become entangled in and must face. Examples of these include divorce, child support, custody, spousal support, adoptions, asset and liability division, paternity, child neglect, and termination of parental rights.
What is family law negotiation?
Family law negotiation is a less formal process than collaborative law and typically involves two lawyers communicating on their clients’ behalves about the financial and parenting issues that arise on separation. If there are certain issues one or both spouses will likely not agree on, the parties can litigate those issues, or hire a mediator to help resolve them. There is family law online courses out there to develop your legal family law knowledge.
The goal of a divorce or family law case is always to settle the case. In the vast majority of cases, parties are better able to reach agreements that work long-term for the family than a judge could rule on the issues. You know your issues, your children, your goals and your fears much better than a judge and you are in a better position to get what you want in a negotiation.
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Determining what is most important to you is an essential component to preparing to negotiate, as is thinking about what is most important to the other party. It may be possible to meet both of your objectives.
A Negotiation Between Equals
It can be very difficult in cases where there is a large imbalance of power. If one spouse has controlled or abused the other spouse, there may be an imbalance of power. This may also be the case if there is a large age gap between the parties or a big difference in life experience or education. If you do not feel that you can have a negotiation between equals, you will need an advocate. This could be an attorney or a lay legal advocate. It should not be an interested or related party like a new spouse, significant other, or parent.
Where to Negotiate
A negotiation should take place in neutral territory. This is different for everyone. For some, the kitchen table may be a fine place for negotiation. For others, halfway between two homes may work. For this reason, it may be preferable to avoid meeting at one attorney’s office. Space should be comfortable and non-threatening for both parties. It doesn’t necessarily have to be private. Sometimes a restaurant negotiation can be very effective, especially because the act of eating together can sometimes break the ice. In some cultures, a meal or drink must be shared prior to engaging in any negotiations. It helps to humanize the other party and break down the walls that may have come into the meeting.
Who Should Be Present
Only the relevant players should participate in the negotiation. This comes up frequently in divorce and family law cases. A parent or spouse may want to participate in the negotiation. They want to act as your ally. You may, or may not, want that too. It is almost always a BAD idea. The third party has an agenda and it may not line up with your agenda. You and your spouse (or the other parent) are the only parties to the case and the decisions should be made by you.
Decide in Advance of the Procedure
Everyone should know what they are walking into before getting to the meeting. Negotiations can take place in one long meeting, or in a series of meetings over weeks and months. Before you engage in the negotiation process, you should determine and communicate what the procedure will be.
For instance, you may determine that at the first meeting you will identify the relevant issues and initial positions as well as any materials that will need to be gathered prior to the next meeting. You may set a deadline for when those materials must be provided and schedule a follow-up meeting where you intend to flush out the materials and see if any agreements can or will be reached. Decide in advance whether or not you are open to or you expect the other party to sign a binding agreement at the negotiation. Sometimes parties reach agreements, draft them and sign them at a given meeting and other times the parties take their agreements home for consideration. Both are valid options.
Ask yourself these questions before deciding on the procedure of your negotiation.
- Are you someone who needs time to process before making decisions?
- Do you ever regret the decisions that you have made when buying a car or making another decision without fully contemplating and committing to the consequences?
- Are you someone who thinks quickly on their feet and processes information and decisions quickly?
Think about and decide in advance how you would like the procedure of the negotiation to flow. Make sure this is communicated and agreed upon prior to starting the negotiation. Once people start reaching agreements, no matter how small, it is easier to keep saying yes. Use this to your advantage by starting with easy agreements before diving into divisive issues.
Help when negotiating
Unfortunately, when the stakes are highest, we are often at our worst when it comes to communicating. Our creativity shuts down as our panic levels rise. One option to make negotiations easier might be having a third-party intermediary shuttle between the parties.
Mediators
A mediator is a trained neutral third party whose job is to facilitate communication and agreements. They are not there to advise you. They are not supposed to insert their opinions. Mediators are used for all sorts of dispute resolution, not just divorce. When selecting a mediator for your divorce, make sure the person has experience in divorce. A background in psychology can be very helpful.
A mediator should help you to set the environment, procedures, and help keep emotions in check. Sometimes a face-to-face negotiation is counter-productive to reaching an agreement and the mediator may separate the parties. This is called a caucus. The parties are separated into their own rooms and the mediator goes back and forth with different offers. This can help keep the emotion out of the way and generally allows people to reach agreements faster.
There are definite advantages to bringing in a mediator and using shuttle mediation tactics. Reaching settlement is almost always better than litigating, not just for the current outcome but for the future relationships of the parties.
With that being said, one of the greatest advantages of reaching a settlement within your divorce is that it sets the stage for your future negotiations and communications with your soon-to-be ex-spouse. If you and your spouse are only able to communicate through a third-party mediator, you are not getting the full advantages of divorce negotiation and settlement. If the two of you have children, you may need to continue communicating for years, and avoiding the courtroom now and in the future should be a mutual goal. If you cannot be in the same room together, this may make future communications more difficult—or expensive—if you need a mediator.
Attorneys
Attorneys can also negotiate on your behalf without the use of a mediator. When both parties are represented, or even if one party is represented, an attorney may help the two of you reach an agreement. An attorney is not a third-party neutral. They are an advocate and ally for the client only. They can provide you legal advice and guidance as well as perspective and options. (They can let you know if you are about to enter into a bad agreement, while the mediator cannot).
Culture when negotiating
There is this fun icon based on a recent Harvard Business Review article on negotiations. It compares and contrasts emotional expression vs. confrontation by region, and the results are very interesting.
From the image, we can get an idea of how different cultures perceive and receive emotional intensity and confrontation. While you know your spouse better than most, it’s a good idea to think about your cultural background regarding confrontation and emotions, and your spouse’s cultural background. Thinking about and considering these issues may help you design a negotiation procedure that will be most helpful to you.
If you have very different styles of negotiation and expression, it may be one more reason to enlist the help of a third party.
Just Keep Talking or Stop!
During peace talks with Syria, John Kerry has recently brokered agreements that have lasted many months. Kerry just wouldn’t give up and just kept talking. If you are seriously committed to reaching a settlement, you should not give up! Recognize that coming to an agreement may take many months, but it is almost always worth the time.
At the same time, sometimes the very best technique is to just stop talking. Let the silence linger. Allow people time to think and respond and consider your requests. The desire to reach a settlement and to just keep negotiating should be tempered by the understanding that sometimes these things can take time and multiple sessions.
When to Walk Away
When you have laid everything out on the table, you have brought in third-party neutrals to help you, you have kept your emotions in check and you have used all the leverage that you have available to you, it may be time to walk away. Sometimes two people don’t even seem to be talking about the same case. One parent may be alleging domestic violence and drug use, while the other parent may say they had a perfectly normal relationship without any abuse whatsoever. If you have tried everything and you are not in the same universe, it may be time to walk away and head to trial. Check out your original analysis of best-case and worst-case scenario, and compare it to the offers you have on the table with your negotiation. It should help you evaluate the reasonableness of the negotiation.
